 
In part of one of this article, I discussed 3 traps the ego uses to keep most people from enjoying the abundance of the Universe and living a life of peace, joy, and happiness. These traps were:
- the ego always prophesies negative futures
- the ego always want more
- the ego has to be right all the time
In part 2 of the article, I will continue my discussion on other powerful traps the ego uses. So with that, let’s take a look at the next trap the ego use to cause suffering and unhappiness.
4. The ego judges what is good or bad
The ego judges everything to determine if it is Good or BAD. In actuality, everything that occurs in the Universe just “IS”, however, it is our ego that deems things, situations, circumstance, and people as Good or BAD. To the ego, Good is anything that should BE, and BAD is anything that should not BE.
Good and Bad is always an opinion or a viewpoint, and it is always based on some arbitrary value system that we learned from people of authority such as our parents, religious leaders, etc., or it’s values that we just made up based upon our experiences. For example, many people consider physical pain Bad, but physical pain IS our bodies’ way of announcing that our well-being is out of harmony, and it requires our conscious attention. Without pain, we would not get feedback from our bodies which could result into more severe problems. Think about it? What would happen if you were engrossed in a telephone conservation and you accidently placed your hand on a hot stove? Normally, the nerves in your hand would send a signal to your brain, and you would feel pain in your hand. Although your hand may be hurting, most people would considered this pain (feedback) as Good because you were alerted to remove your hand before you caused serious damage to it. Therefore, pain is not Good or Bad; it just IS.
Let’s look at another example that Good and BAD is always a point of view and never an objective reality. If a burglar is breaking into your house and the police shows up and stop the crime, is it Good or Bad? You probably would say it Good that the police showed up to stop the burglar, but the burglar would say it is Bad. How can this same situation be both Good and Bad? It is your ego’s perspective that defines it as Good. Your ego would say it is Good because people shouldn’t break into my house. From the opposite perspective, the burglar’s ego would define it as Bad because the he/she will be arrested. Therefore, when the police showed up and stopped the burglar, it wasn’t Good or Bad; it just IS.
Action Item:
The next time you find yourself judging a situation or person as Good or Bad, recognize that it is your ego that is defining the situation or person. Instead be thankful for what IS. For example, if your house burns down, don’t judge it is BAD. Instead be grateful that you and your family didn’t get hurt.
5. The ego wants to feel superior and special
The ego love to compare itself to the “competition” (other people) in a way that becomes detrimental. When the ego starts to view other people as being “more successful” than itself or if another competitor has more, knows more, or can do more than you, the ego feels threatened because the feeling of less diminishes its imagined sense of self relative to the other person.
To counter this feeling of being less, the ego may try to restore itself by criticizing or belittling the value of the other person’s possessions, knowledge, or abilities. If this fails, it will become angry, jealous, or resentful.
The ego does this because it feels it is superior and special. To maintain its superiority and ’specialness’, the ego believes it has to compete with others. So it becomes ruthlessly competitive. It can not accept the idea that it is not superior or special. However being superior or special implies that some people are more worthy than others, and that would mean Source Energy (God) plays favorites. But this is not the case because to God, we are all one.
Action Item:
If you hear that voice in your head complaining that another person is more successful than you are or has more than you, be aware that this is the ego being competitive. Furthermore, if you find yourself right up against a fit of anger, jealousy and resentment because your ego feels diminished, release these negative emotions. If you can’t release these negative emotions, focus on 10-20 things you are grateful for in your life now. As you do, these emotions will be replaced with joy, love and peace.
6. The ego is ready to be offended
We all know people who get offended by just about everything. Whenever a person is offended, he / she is at the mercy of the ego. The ego has set up internal rules of how we are to be treated and how everyone and everything MUST conform to its rules. The ego has rules about the way things should be and the way people should behave. If these rules are violated, the ego becomes offended and hostile. However, these rules are a way of guaranteeing a terminal state of being offended.
Action Item:
The next time you feel offended, be aware that one of your ego’s rules has been violated. Next, ask yourself ”why am I offended, and what rule did the other person violate? Next, ask if this rule is true, and where did I learn it? If it is not true, release the rule and create an empowering one to replace it.
For example, if you saw an interracial couple together, and you were offended, your ego probably has a rule (belief) that people of different races should not date. Using the questions above, ascertain why you are really offended. If you believe that your ego’s rule is true and valid, ask yourself, “would God be offended?”
Now release the rule, and learn to accept all people in all situations including yourself.
Well, I have covered six of the ego traps that cause people to suffer. If you become aware of them and use the action items I provide, you will experience a shift that change your reality. Come back soon for part 3 of this article.
Namaste,
RC
written by Reginald Cuffee
Have you ever heard the saying that “Prosperity is your natural state?” If this is true, why are so many people suffering, angry, frustrated, miserable, and unhappy with life? I believe this is occurring because of their egos are working overtime to keep them stuck in their self-imposed boxes (realities).
The ego is our conscious identity of who we think we are, but this identity is only an illusion. (See my article: “Is Your Ego Your Master?” for a more detailed explanation of the ego). Although the ego is not who we really are, it is controlling the lives of most people.
Think about it! How many times in your life have you set goals to change the results you experience in your life such as becoming wealthy, losing weight, or improving your relationships and were unsuccessful? You were not successful because your ego is sabotaging your intentions. The ego perceives its main job is to ensure your survival, but this is a fallacy. The ego is not concerned with your survival, but its own, and it protects itself by controlling you from changing your self-imposed box.
Although the ego has no power of its own, it is has a bundle of deceptive traps at its disposal to ensure that it remain in control of your life. When you are aware of these ego traps, it will be easier for you to distinguish your ego from the yourself (the True you), and it will be easier for you to surrender your yourself from the illusion of the ego and enjoy a prosperous life.
In this 3 part article, I will discuss the traps the ego uses to keep most people from enjoying the abundance of the Universe and living a life of peace, joy, and happiness.
1. The ego always prophesies negative futures
The Ego does not like change and uncertainty because they represent a threat to its survival. The ego always wants what is safe, secure and predictable, but life was not set up to be this way. When confronted with change or uncertainty, your ego compare the present moment to what happened to you in your past and predicts a negative future to protect you from pain such as embarrassment, guilt, shame, etc. It accomplishes this by causing you to experience fear.
Fear is one of the ego’s most powerful tactics it uses to maintain control over us. Fear is our prison, and it keeps most people trapped in a limited reality of struggle and unhappiness. If you use your Will and choose to change your reality, your ego will begin to generate resistance in the form of fear. All fear is, in essence, fear of the future and the unknown. Most people are afraid of the things that have not yet happened, but which if they did might bring them pain, suffering or some other discomfort. Since the ego likes to be in control, and it does not know the future, it prophesies what you may experience, and these prophecies are always negative in nature.
Action Item:
lf you experience fear, recognize that you are being controlled by your ego, and you are not aligned with Source Energy (God). Furthermore, your present thoughts are focused on what if (what can go wrong). Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, change your thoughts to what you want, and know that you are being guided by God. Just Let Go, and Let God (trust in the divine power of God). When you really DO this, your fear will dissipate.
2. The ego always want more
The ego continually bombards us with the idea that we must have more in order to be happy. The ego always wants more possessions, whether it is material goods such a new car, a new job or new clothes, or intrinsic possessions such as fame, status or power. It believes that having stuff is the key to survival, but its satisfaction in having is a relatively shallow and short-lived one.
Moreover, the ego equates having with BEing; I have; therefore, I am. The more I have, the more I am. It thinks that with success, suddenly we will experience special privileges which ultimately mean that it is special. Concealed within wanting more remains a deep-seated sense of dissatisfaction, of incompleteness, of “not enough.” “I don’t have enough yet,” by which the ego really means, “I am not enough yet.”
Action Item:
When you have a desire for something such a new house or car, determine the real meaning behind the desire. To accomplish this, ask yourself ” what would it mean if I got it?” For example, if you desired a new job, ask, what would that mean?
You may say, “I’ll have more money.”
Again, ask yourself, “what would that mean?” Continue doing this until you find the true reason why you really want it. If the desire is not based on enhancing your ego status, and it comes from your heart, go for it. If your desire exists to bolster your ego, release the desire.
3. The ego has to be right all the time
The ego is very opinionated. In fact, our egos have an opinion on everything. Whether the subject is war, abortion, taxes, religion, politics, etc, the ego believes it is right. Every ego confuses opinions with facts, and it always believes its viewpoints are right, but being right is identification with a mental position - a perspective, an opinion, a judgment, or a story.
Being right is how the ego thinks it will become happy. For you to be right, you need someone else to be wrong, and the ego loves to make others wrong in order to be right. In other words, you need to make others wrong in order to get a stronger sense of who you are, and it give you a sense of superiority which the ego craves.
“We are right and they are wrong” is particularly deeply entrenched in politics and those parts of the world where conflict between two nations, races, religions, or ideologies is longstanding. Both sides of the conflict are equally identified with their own perspective, and each side believe themselves to be in possession of the truth. Both regard themselves as victims and the other as evil and wrong. However, both sides are equally incapable of seeing that another perspective may exist and also be valid.
Action Item:
If you find yourself in a debate with another person and you disagree with the other person’s position, ask yourself if your position is a fact or opinion. For example, if you discussing abortion and your position is that it is wrong, ask yourself is it an opinion or a fact. If you believe it is a fact, ask yourself where did you learn it. Believe it or not, most things you believe are just opinions that someone made up, and you accepted it as being right. If it is an opinion, release it, stop the debate, and choose peace.
Well, these are just three of the ego traps that cause people to suffer. If you become aware of them and use the action items I provided, you will experience a shift that will change your reality.
Namaste,
RC
written by Reginald Cuffee
One of the things that affects your level of prosperity you experience in your life is your relationship with your primary partner (spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other). When most people begin a romantic relationship everything is wonderful and exciting, but for some couples these experiences are short-lived. For other couples, they can have a successful and loving relationship for many decades. So why do some couples seem to have blissful and long-lasting relationships while other simply can’t stay together?
I believe people who have multiple short-lived relationships have never been taught how to have a successful romantic relationship; however, anyone can learn practical relationship advice that can improve this area of his or her life. If you desire to improve your relationship with your primary partner and grow in intimacy and closeness, here is my best relationship advice (tips) that can lead to a more blissful relationship.
Tip 1 - Acknowledge Your Primary Partner
Most people enjoyed being acknowledged for what they do, their feelings and aspirations. Therefore, be grateful for your primary partner and show your appreciation. You can do this by making a list of what you admire about your primary partner and sharing that list with him or her. Furthermore, you can do special things just for him or her such as giving a card, flowers, a foot rub, or going out dinner out?
Tip 2 - Love Means Having to Say You Are Sorry
If you make a mistake by doing or saying something that is hurtful or damaging to your primary partner, apologize by saying that you are sorry. Many people, especially men, struggle with these words, even when they know that what they did was hurtful. It actually takes a strong person to apologize. Do not procrastinate until you think you have the courage or the “right’ words to say; say it immediately and with sincerity. Too often when couples argue, there is a long period of silence, which actually intensifies the anger and tension. I believe that this a form of emotional abuse, and in the long run it will injury the relationship. So, let your primary partner know immediately that you made a mistake, and ask for forgiveness.
Tip 3 - Forgive for the Small and Big Things
If your primary partner has done something that requires you to forgive him or her, you have to forgive if he or she is sincerely asking for forgiveness. I know this can be a big issue for infidelity, but if your intent is to save the relationship, do the work that is require to resolve the situation. Then forgive your primary partner; REALLY forgive. Once you have worked through the situation either together or with relationship counseling, and you tell your primary partner that you forgive him or her, honor your words. This means you can never hold the situation over them again because you forgave and put the past behind you. You new intention for your relationship is now focused on building a new, strong, and healthy relationship. It will not be easy, but you can do it with the right help, attitude, and commitment.
Tip 4- Have a Date Night
One thing that can keeps the spark in your relationship is to have a regular “Date Night”. Many couples, especially for married couples and even for some “dating” couples, stop dating. Often people become very comfortable in their relationship and sitting around on the weekends or watching movies is about as exciting as it gets. Instead plan to go out on dates just like you did when you first meet. Each week, bi-weekly, or much as you and primary agree, plan to go out and have fun. Another thing you can do is be spontaneous and call and ask your primary partner and ask him or her out for a date. For example, actually call him or her and ask, “If you do not have any plans for Saturday night, would you like to go to a show with me?” It is crucial to relationships that you keep the passion alive by enjoying the act of dating.
As part of your “Date Night”, you may want to include intimate time together to at the end of your date. Intimacy and passion in your relationship is not only important, but it is healthy. Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way. So, make your intimate time together special. Surprise your partner with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.
Tip 5- Reminiscence About the Good Times
Create a memory scrap book to keep anything that the two of you did together such as old movie tickets, concert ticket stubs, brochures from cities visited, amusement park passes, cards attached to flowers received, old love notes or letters, birthday cards or anniversary cards from your primary partner. Every once in awhile, take out the scrap book and look at the items with your primary partner. Reminisce about each memento, and recall all the special times you spent together. As you look at your mementos, you will have feelings of happiness, and you will rekindle the connection between you and your partner.
Tip 6 - Say It With Words
Surprise your primary partner with little notes found in unexpected places. If your partner take a brief case for work, place a loving note somewhere inside the brief case. Perhaps your partner reads regularly. If so, put a post-it note saying, “I love you,” on a page where he or she will find it. Another recommendation is sticking a note on the steering wheel in the car so this will be the first thing seen when he or she get in the car in the morning. If you have a cell phone that is capable of sending text messages, occasionally send one saying “I love you.” Be creative with this relationship advice tip and have some fun with it.
Tip 7 - Increase Your Physical Contact
When couples first start dating, touching, cuddling, and kissing is usually a part of their everyday existence. However, as the relationship progresses into years of marriage, many couples stop most physical contact. So let met ask you, when was the last time you walked up to your primary partner for no reason and without saying a word, affectionately placed a kiss on his or her neck? This is not in a sexual way, but an affectionate way. There is a difference. If you haven’t done it lately, now is the time. Furthermore, the next time the two of you are sitting in the car or standing in line at the theater, play with your primary partner’s hair, rub his or her hand, or give a gentle back rub. When you are home, and you partner is sitting on the couch watching a movie, or laying in bed reading, get close and tell him or her that you just want to cuddle. This makes both people feel secure and loved.
Well, these seven tips are some of the best relationship advice that can improve and strengthen your relationship. If you put them into practice, you and your primary partner will experience the benefits. See how many of these you can practice in one week with that special person in your life and watch the intimacy in your relationships blossom.
If you want to maximize this relationship advice, you can use the practice of visualization to increase the result. Each day, visualize and feel the feelings you will have when you and your primary partner are having a blissful, and loving relationship.
Namaste,
RC
written by Reginald Cuffee
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